“North Americans don’t understand… that our country is not just Cuba; our country is also humanity.” – Fidel Castro

“I said, ‘Get in line! Right here, line up here. BEHIND THIS LINE, mam.'”

I had only had my feet planted back on U.S. soil for merely minutes, and was already overwhelmed, rushed, belittled and prodded like cattle.

I felt like crying. I felt like breaking down. Only minutes in Newark Liberty International Airport and I was about to lose it. The amount of people, the chaos, the airport workers yelling at everyone, “‘HAVE YOUR PASSPORTS READY. I said passport, not boarding pass. OVER HERE.'” I felt like I was spinning in circles with no direction. Overstimulated is probably the appropriate word.

“Go here, go there, line up over there, KEEP IT MOVING.” Security and U.S. Customs Border Protection were absolute madness. I was shaken to the core and that is a complete understatement. I thought I’d feel a sense of relief to be back in the states, and yet all I felt was dread. I somehow held it together; through security, through the crowds and to a delicious, overpriced burger that I didn’t even feel I deserved, served to me by a miserable waitress. I scarfed my food, thinking I was starving. I immediately felt nauseous. My husband and our friends seemed so calm, cool and collected throughout the airport madness. Why was I feeling so crazy? Why wasn’t anyone else shocked or freaking out? This must be culture shock. “Hold yourself together, Kaily. Don’t snap now. Deep breaths, deep breaths…”

I wasn’t about to be the one who lost her shit in the middle of it all, not now; not after the adventure we had just experienced through Cuba.

I was home, and my mix of emotions about it made me feel sick.

In the hours and days to come, I found myself in awe of things I had always taken for granted. I was so grateful for them yet felt so undeserving of them at the same time. What had I ever done to deserve these luxuries? Clean bathrooms with toilets that flush, toilets that you can actually put toilet paper into; a pillow-top mattress with feather-filled pillows and flannel sheets; an actual grocery store filled with all the food you could dream of to feed your family; a doctor’s office right around the corner; a reliable car to get you to and from your job; accessible internet everywhere. Somehow, over the years, we have come to feel entitled to these things. In reality, these things are extra; things we should be thankful for on a daily basis. We don’t need any of this in order to survive; the Cuban people have proven that.

Cuba is only 90 miles from Florida, yet it has strongly remained an entirely different world.

Before we left for our trip, the only questions I was asked were, “Why are you going to Cuba? CUBA?! Is it safe? Aren’t there drugs there? Is it clean? Isn’t it dangerous? Are you scared?” The truth was, I was nervous. It was somewhere new, it was unknown. But after spending 10 full days in one of the most real and most beautiful countries I’ve seen, I can confidently say that the country that I call home, the United States of America, is 100 times more dangerous and terrifying than Cuba.

It turns out that Cuba is so much more than cigars, old cars and rum… although all of those things were quite a treat to encounter!

The propaganda surrounding the country of Cuba is preposterous. The U.S. has done a magnificent job of instilling fear where it isn’t necessary.

The people are so kind. They aren’t perfect, and they will be the first to tell you that. They have a mutual and common understanding that all humans have flaws and no one is perfect, but they make it a point to accept it and learn from it in order to become better beings.

We shared beers with a fisherman who said it best; “You don’t do it right and we don’t do it right. No one is perfect. There always seems to be a better answer. But we do our best. And if we could all somehow understand each other and work together, all of our lives would be individually better. Nothing is more important than a human being, a human life. The U.S.A. has forgotten that. Money is most important to Americans, not human lives.”

Talk about a punch right to the gut. The truth hurts, my friends.

The reality of this conversation rattled me. My tears wouldn’t stop; he simply let me quietly cry as he continued his righteous words with an empathetic look on his face.

I had more meaningful connections with the people of Cuba in 10 days than I’ve had in the last year of my entire life with people I see on a daily basis.

One of the biggest and most obvious differences between Americans and Cubans is their willingness to work hard for what they need or want. While we sit back with a cheeseburger in one hand and an overpriced coffee in the other and pay someone else for our simple tasks and chores to get done, they understand that if they don’t do it, who else will? No one. Cuba helped me to realize that our sense of entitlement as Americans is absurdly out of control.

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The other major difference is our sense of urgency; we’re always rushing and thinking of what comes next. We seem to forget to enjoy the present, to love and appreciate what is happening now. In Cuba, there isn’t a sense of urgency. Everyone seems to move at a steady pace and impatience isn’t as evident there as it is here. Road rage, waiting in line, running late, none of that ruins a person’s day. Meals are cherished and enjoyed with others; there is never pressure to finish eating quickly. Grabbing fast food while speeding to the office doesn’t exist for them and I envy them for that.

Not one person I met there believes they are better than the next, they are all simply humans that coexist and want to survive as comfortably as possible. This is something I can learn from; that we can learn from.

Money is simply paper; it won’t last forever. Luxurious homes, nice cars, the newest technology… they’re simply materials. What will last forever is the impression and mark we have made as humans in this world. What we teach to our children matters. Our lives are most important; the lives of others are most important.

There’s so much more of a story to tell, but so far putting it into words has been a struggle. A blog post does not do my experience justice, although it’s somewhat of a start.

Add Cuba to your list of places to visit. It’s our privilege to travel. The experience will shake you and change you for the better. It’s hard to tell what will happen with our relationship and Cuba in the coming years, and seeing the country as it is now is a rare gift. Don’t live in fear of the unknown, be brave and be curious. The world does not and should not revolve around the U.S. We are sheltered, we are entitled, we are naive. Go there and support their hardworking people, they are so deserving. Stay in their homes with them, converse with them, buy from them, immerse yourself in their culture, and ask questions. Step outside of your comfort zone and break some barriers. Don’t let our country blind you and form your opinion.

It’s taken me almost an entire week of rereading the journal I kept on the trip to come up with unambiguous words about my experience, and I’m still not satisfied. For the first time in my life, I might be speechless.

So much more to come, but for now…

Be good to yourself and be good to others. Being kind doesn’t cost anything.